How We Communicate Affects How We Feel
Much of communication today is now done via the written word, and more specifically, the electronic written word (texting, email, social media, among others). And because HOW we communicate REFLECTS our well being, it is not surprising that HOW we communicate also AFFECTS our well being. It is a never ending dynamic that requires self-awareness, integrity, clear boundaries, self compassion and clarity of motivation in order for that dynamic to be effective, healthy and energizing.
Saying What We Want to Say
Many conflicts, whether in the workplace or in our personal lives are no longer worked out face to face. For better or worse, people today are working out deep relationship issues, negotiating sensitive work matters and/or marketing themselves via electronic means.
WHAT we say and HOW we say it can make all the difference in the response we get, and which direction our communication goes from there.
Did our communication create understanding between ourselves and another, or did it alienate us? Did it accidentally violate someone’s or our own dignity, creating even more fertile ground for conflict and misunderstanding?
Your Communication: Learning, Understanding & Healing
We can learn much about ourselves and heal unwanted parts of ourselves by paying attention to and identifying where in our communication we are possibly not saying what we mean, or using too passive or aggressive language to get our point across.
Is your message being communicated with words, or with tone? And more importantly, do your words match your tone?
Are you making unnecessary apologies to get affirmation?
Does your communication carry premeditated expectation that may lead to resentment?
Is your communication manipulating a response because ultimately you are afraid to directly ask for what you want?
Does your message get bogged down with distracting material making the message unclear and less likely to be understood by recipient?
All of these questions illustrate just a few among many ways communication can be used that works against our very desire to say something important, to speak authentically and/or get our needs met.
How I can help
If you are struggling with and/or avoiding writing an email, letter, text or a response on social media, it might mean how you are FEELING isn’t matched up with what you feel comfortable putting out there, or how you want to be perceived. There are many reasons why this occurs.
Here are just a few:
- Feel selfish about what you are asking for
- Afraid of refute, rejection or dismissal
- Don’t want to sound pushy or weak
- Afraid to admit mistake, take accountability
- Afraid to NOT take all the blame and put up some boundaries out of fear of abandonment.
- Afraid you will look too needy or make yourself too vulnerable
I will look at your specific situation and help you work through a challenge via your written word, whether it is communication with another, or your own personal journal work.
I can:
- Edit/process with you an already written or started letter, email, text, etc.
- Help you get started or write your communication.
- Work through specifics of a difficult communication already written and exchanged.
- Work through personal journal entries to identify unwanted patterns and perceptions that are in the way of personal goals.
Learn more about yourself, and how to manage normal fears and insecurities. Become clear with your motivations so you ultimately communicate in a way that creates understanding with your recipient, connection with and compassion for yourself and maintain a healthy balance of letting yourself be vulnerable (so you can connect), and setting your personal boundaries (so you take care of yourself).